If Your Reading This I Love You

I was dreading the day when you lot would find out, and I kept that moment as far away equally I could. Call it immaturity, phone call it beingness selfish, simply I wanted to hold on to you as long every bit I could because I was worried that I would lose you completely.

I ever used my words to keep you close considering it is piece of cake for me to utter these verses to yous before truly feeling the significant.

I always wondered what information technology would be similar to exist in love because I wanted to feel this mad, passionate honey for someone.

I wanted to feel the honey that people talk about in books and movies, the kind of love that doesn't seem real but exists beyond the silver screens or in the words of someone who desperately failed.

I planned for this dearest in my life, even though I had generally seen failures. Phone call me delusional, but I never cared to exist rich or famous. I wanted this i truthful beloved that would brand me have faith in the world.

When y'all grow up desperate to feel truly loved, you volition do annihilation for someone to tell you they love you. I was and then hungry to know what information technology felt like that I looked for honey in all the wrong places, only to exist disappointed and hurt.

Sometimes when you want something and so desperately, you will do annihilation to become information technology, even if information technology makes no sense and follows no logic. All I always wanted was to feel love.

Everyone says you have to love yourself before someone else can honey you. is it reasonable to blame me for seeking something from the books that I searched for in existent life merely never found? Would you call me weak for looking for love because I had never felt it from anyone else?

I never learned to love myself, so I tried to await for beloved from you. I always knew the correct words to say, simply as they say, talk is cheap.

Could you just feel deplorable for me considering I always tried then hard? Would you consider me clingy because anybody I ever tried to love left me? Should I be considered desperate considering I was the kind of girl who would do anything to not experience alone?

Despite all the disappointments, I was always strangely hopeful that true honey existed. Now I know that deep within I was always the scared picayune girl who was looking for someone to love me even if the adult in me told me to be strong and that I needed no ane.

I shouldn't have punished you for other people's mistakes. I shouldn't have made you endure for the wounds I got from others. You see, this one male child from my past hurt me and so much that I thought information technology was okay to pause others as well.

And I am so sorry for that.

Iii years ago, I was talking to a friend, who told me, "Relationships aren't easy. They take work. You accept to modify with them. People call up it's a cliche to change for another person, but if you want to go on being with someone else, you have to let yourself abound, and growth is alter."

I had forgotten that, and as y'all began to change and grow when you lot were with me, I resisted change because I was scared of the uncertainties considering they are intimidating.

I never learned to fight well with you, but I tried to fight against yous, and that was never right.

I was not ready to alter myself and I was not ready to grow when I needed to grow with you and so we could accept the possibility to piece of work in the long run.

I desire to modify, and I want to grow. I want to be the all-time version of myself possible with you because you make me want to be a better person.

I did this because when most of the globe gave upward on me, you lot didn't.

Right at present, equally I fight for you, I want you to fight for me, because without you, it but wouldn't exist the aforementioned.

When I met yous, you never made me question my feelings for you. Y'all always fabricated me feel safe.

I was scared to lose you every day, just you never let me get completely lost in my self-made scary thoughts.

You treated me like the best damn thing in this earth, and I wanted to treat you lot the same, but at times I failed.

Some other friend of mine recently told me that everyone deserves to exist somebody's get-go option. You are my ane and only selection.

I was merely trying to protect myself when I hurt you the most, and there is never an excuse for that. I am truly sorry.

I chose you because I felt yous would exercise any information technology takes, and sometimes it takes a lot. I chose you lot because I am willing to risk everything in the process hoping you would do the aforementioned.

I chose you with the promise I fabricated myself that this life of happiness comes with a price, and a life with you would be worth it all; it will be worth all the work.

I cannot hope you eternity, merely I will always hope for the all-time. Right at present, I can see information technology more conspicuously than ever that when I choose you lot, it will be but you.

I cannot promise y'all forever, but when I am with you, I will be with only you lot because I have waited for y'all all my life.

I chose you to be my life; I chose yous to be my world.

So, if you are reading this, I love you.

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Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/anjana-rajbhandary/2019/12/if-youre-reading-this-i-love-you-2/

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