Funny Lines to Pick Up a Nurse
A pickup line is a good conversation builder for a person who wants to impress a total stranger. Information technology'due south supposed to be catchy, funny, and witty. Just if you lot are a nurse, choice-up lines from your patients can put yous in an bad-mannered or even embarrassing position. They can get pretty hilarious, besides!
Here are some of the funniest pickup line moments shared by different nurses effectually the US:
1. I had a patient before who underwent penis reconstruction surgery after he experimented with torso piercings in it. On my outset rounds on his bedside:
"Hey I don't know what y'all think of me but I hope it's 10-rated."
I don't know if I should say he is somehow right.
2. My patient once told a joke I couldn't forget.
"Can you lot estimate what matter has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?"
"What?"
"My zipper. Are you ready for it?"
3. I spent a minute listening to my patient's heartbeat pattern. When I removed the stethoscope from his chest, my patient said:
"Have you lot heard what my eye is saying?"
"Yup, counted information technology."
"And then how many times did it say your name?"
He caught me off baby-sit, my face turned red!
4. I'thousand passing meds to my patients when this end-stage COPD patient made me express mirth out loud. I'm about to assist him with his inhaler when he exclaimed:
"Just in time! The nurse from the previous shift took my breath away."
I wish that nurse from the previous shift heard it along with the pauses he made just to take hold of his gasping breath.
5. I had this naughty patient who constantly asks me to go out on a date.
"Wait, I'm dying here! I need a life! Please lower your standards and go out with me if you desire me to survive."
It sounded existent desperation at its finest.
vi. When I was a new nurse in our unit, I was then naïve that it took me 10 minutes to procedure the chat I had with my patient:
"Have we met earlier? You expect familiar."
"No, I'thou a newly floated nurse on this flooring."
"I swear we were in the aforementioned class earlier. We had Chemistry."
I was puzzled every bit the patient is ten years older than me, how can I be in the same class with him before? When I left his room, I realized what he truly meant, poor me.
7. While irresolute my patient's wound dressing, we came upwards to a little conversation:
"Did you have Beefcake classes when y'all were nonetheless a nursing educatee?"
"Of course."
"Dandy! Would y'all like to report Human being Anatomy furthermore, with me, in my room?"
I idea he was going to ask me to teach him quick beefcake lessons. Boy, that was sneaky!
8. I'g a male nurse and I was examining the hands of my 65-year-one-time female patient after her relatives complained of unusual redness in her palms.
"Please give me your hand."
"I volition wholeheartedly requite my hands to yous forever, my love."
I thought naught of information technology since the patient had dementia but her niece turned carmine!
ix. I am assessing my patient's Glasgow coma scale. From being stuporous, I was so surprised to run into him open his eyes and woke up:
"Oh look, a beautiful affections! I didn't know I'd be in heaven also fast."
Maybe I really looked like an angel in my white scrub suit.
As well Read: 30 Funniest Things Patients Say
ten. Together with our nursing adjutant, I was preparing a dementia patient to be lifted upwardly higher in her bed. When the nursing aide threw a canvas of blanket over her body, the niggling old lady murmured:
"Get your head under in that location, you know where it's at."
11. I was giving a bed bath to an 80-year-old male person patient when he told me:
"I felt it move! I thought it volition never be alive later a decade of peace!"
I hope he wasn't talking about what I think he was talking about.
12. I did non completely believe in nurse option upwards line stories I was hearing from my colleagues. Then, I experienced it firsthand from my patient:
"Do you similar kids?"
"Yes, I do."
"Nifty! I have a girl who needs a mom."
I didn't see that coming!
xiii. This adorable 12-year-quondam patient once called my attention and I never forget it.
"Excuse me, nurse! Do you lot know how can I be an organ donor?"
"You are too young! Just if you really similar to, you lot should talk outset with your parents."
"Keen! I'd similar to requite my eye to y'all."
Too Read: 100 Funniest Nursing Memes on Pinterest – Our Special Collection
14. I'm assisting an end-stage COPD patient in getting off his bed when we had this little chat together:
"Is having sex contraindicated to my condition?"
"Yes, definitely."
"Volition I dice if I practise information technology?"
"There's a high chance."
"So I would be glad to die in bed with yous."
15. I'm assigned to a 90-yr-onetime female person patient diagnosed with dementia. When turning the patient in her bed, she of a sudden shouted:
"Come on, just get on acme!"
16. After getting my patient's temperature, who is just a 10-yr-old boy, he said:
"You should get your temperature likewise."
"Why?"
"You look hot."
17. I'm changing the diaper of my 86-yr-one-time male patient:
"Sir, delight spread your legs a little bit more."
"I'm the i who should exist asking you that."
18. I'll always remember the brief conversation I had with my first patient in the correctional facility'southward hospital.
"Good forenoon, I'thousand Anna and I will be your nurse till the afternoon."
"Listen, I know I have Chlamydia and herpes down there. Simply if you want to, I can wrap it!"
19. During my first rotation every bit a educatee, we were assigned to the geriatric ward. After providing perineal care to an elderly female patient, she said:
"Well now that you got it all cleaned, are you set up for it?"
I tried my very best to non express joy at it.
twenty. My patient is a sweet old lady. One dark, I was about to drain her urine handbag. The lights were off and I didn't want to wake her and so I entered quietly and looked for the urine handbag hanged underneath her bed.
"Honey?"
"Information technology'south just me, your nurse."
"You don't have to sneak, y'all should accept asked. I'd love to. Move over here beside me."
I was mortified!
Also Read: xl Funniest Nursing Gifs On Tumblr
21. Someone in one case told me…
"You lot'd better be a cardiologist, because something about you makes me want to give y'all my heart."
22. And some other one!
"Let's exchange genetic information!"
23. I had one tiny bald guy, about ninety, cheerfully say to me:
"Hey, practise ya wanna do information technology?!"
24. An end-phase COPD patient said to me:
"I'd offering to have intercourse with yous if it wouldn't kill me. And so how about yous only go in my bed and cuddle up with me all night instead?"
25. I had an old man slowly plow his head, await at me, and in a very stern, accusatory voice state:
"Y'all desire to make love, don't y'all?"
Do you know more nurse pick upward line stories from your work? Choice upwards lines from patients tin can be either creepy or funny. Merely still, hearing option up lines from patients is 1 of the most unforgettable moments nurses volition experience at work. Share your patient option up line experiences with us on our FB page.
Source: Reddit
Source: https://www.nursebuff.com/nurse-pick-up-line/
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